An introspection on introversion

I was overwhelmed at this party recently but how can that be when I was surrounded by people that are my family?  So many conversations were taking place around me that I would lose the train of the dialogue directed at me.  I felt like a deer in headlights.  This is the only way I can describe my introverted personality.

When I was a teenager, I experienced the total meltdown of Junior High School.  Suddenly my small world of 7th grade in one school merged into 4 schools combined into 8th grade.  Ugh.  Madness.  I was being bullied on the bus.  I walked around this huge school that felt like a prison and my kaleidoscope vision made me feel like I was on drugs…but I wasn’t.  So I stopped going to school – for a long time.  My poor Mother didn’t have a clue what was going on with me.  I couldn’t explain it because I didn’t know IT was different.  Several counselors she took me too didn’t ever say “introverted.”

I did go back to school and I did graduate.  Then came the hard part of finding a job.  HARD.  I can’t begin to describe how hard.  Still have issues with this…

I feel like a turtle that is most comfortable in my own shell.  When I poke my head out, I get so confused sometimes.  I don’t feel like I fit in during most of my day spent out in the real world.  I only feel totally at ease when I am driving and admiring the scenery but as soon as the car door opens, I freeze inside.

So there you have it – a weird look into my introverted self or an introspection on introversion.  Lol.

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